I love this band. They’re really helping me.

So…I’ve been put on Zoloft…I don’t know if its helping…

I’ll tell you once I’ve taken it for awhile.

I just watched all these videos of me when I was 5-years-old. They really kind of made me see things in a different way I guess. Like…no matter who I’m around or where I am or how old I am, I’m still me and I can be the same person and act the same way. And luckily, I think people love me for who I am. Well the good people.

I’ve started a new thing where I write suicide notes almost everyday…even when I know I’ll actually never do it, it still makes me feel better anyway.

Peace, Love.

-autumnorgan.

Just looked them up. The Horrors. Pretty shweet.

This one looks like me, I think.

Weird. I’m at Miranda’s.

So I have to go. Bye.

More soon.

Yay! I love putting pictures of myself on wordpress for some reason.

YESS!

Anyway…

Took a four hour nap tonight…me and Kori are stayin’ up till the break of dawn.

Last night I realized just quite how much I love these men…

They are amazing.

Plain and simple.

I listened to Sgt. Pepper’s last night, and I was reading some story about ‘em today…

Wow, they really are amazing.

Even if the rest of the world didn’t agree, I would still think that they’re the most amazing band of all time. I get so giddy whenever I listen to them.

And I think I see John Lennon differently than everyone else does.

I don’t know, I just understand him really well.
And I used to be really obsessed with him.

I don’t think I’ll be able to do that again.

Be that obsessed with someone, I mean.

God, I feel like pure shit.

Pure, beautiful, brown shit.

Mmm…

I shouldn’t have taken that nap.

Oh well, Allison’s coming over tomorrow.

She looks awesome with her new braces!

Haha. Me and her have been bffs for 5 years.

Yay. No school for almost a whole week.

And Thanksgiving is Thursday =)

And Black Friday is…Friday.

Yay.

{peace out}

{sorry for the thousands of piccies}

Do not smoke.

I don’t care what they say; smoking does look cool. Too bad its disgusting.

You know those scene people with the diamonds and the homies?
I’m not one of ‘em. I’m straight up G.

School was so boring. This is me, in class. I look so gross. Oh well, I was tired and it was the end of the day. English class…

I can’t wait till Wednesday afternoon. WHY?! Because thats when Thanksgiving break starts, of course.

OK, I think I’ve found the answer to why I’m acting so weird and can’t think straight: I miss Kori.

Yeah. Kori.

Aka the sweetest person ever born. Ever.

I love her and I miss her and I cant talk to her for like another hour or two

Who knows what she’s doing.

She’s fucking a man, isnt she?

Oh my God, I’m gonna kill her.

How dare she!

How dare I make such accusations.

She would never.

-knocks on wood-

nEW fAVORITE sONG- jUST BY rADIOHEAD.

-Me when I was a baby.

-My cousin Rhylee

-The car I want

So I did an awesome job on editing that piccy; did I not?

 I TOTALLY HATE SCHOOL.

Its so boring…

But, I really have to stop being so negative…

Kori told me that she doesn’t love me anymore last night, because of it…

But then she took it back. I think.

Ohhhh snap.

I was saved for the 14th time last night.

Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so (:

Wow, I feel like this week has lasted forever.

I feel as though I have a fever.

I’m at Miranda’s.

Look up your name on Urban Dictionary.

Fun.

I really like the name Zabby.

It would be cool to name two twin girls Elizabeth and Tabitha, and nickname them Zabby and Tabby.

I guess I’m going now.

Love.

Bye;

Love somebody as much as I love Kori.

My heart is talking to me,
Its saying your name,
Its telling me a secret,
But what does it claim?,
It claims that your mine,
That you’re my heart and my soul,
Throughout all times,
It’ll be true, though untold,
My mind would never think it,
My lungs would never breathe it,
But still somehow, I truly believe it.

I didn’t really get out of bed at all today. TOday has been the most miserable day of my life. I don’t want to be or move or breathe. I don’t want to think either. I just want to sleep…for a really long time. But I’m not even tired. Just lying under the covers covered in my own sweat and tears. Either over the phone with Kori, making her depressed and hate me, or just by myself wishing that I had someone new to manipulate. ‘Cause that’s what I do. I manipulate people to be just like me. And what am I? I’m depressed, sad, lonely, moody, talkative, hyper, a smart ass, and angry. My emotions own me. The own all of me, and all of my life. I’m so hateful and evil. I hate myself.

It needs to all go away.

Why can’t everything be ok?

If it can’t be ok, then I want it to all be…

Over.

Isn’t this picture amazingly cool?

I can’t wait until I’m older and can go to  parties like that.

With sparkly glitter shit.

But first I must decide.

The ultimate life decision.

There are only two options…

Am I going to be a porn star or a drummer in a punk band?

Well, I’m gonna be in the band no matter what, but…

To porn or not to porn?

Either way, Kori, Elijah, Ashley and I are all moving to London in a few years. We all hate it here.

Ashley wants our apartment to be a huge porn house…me and Kori have our own room for making it, Elijah and her have the other room. It does sound kinda fun to me, but I don’t know…I think sex should be special, and not for everybody to see.

Hmm, Dhani is a cool name.

I like Daphne. I name a lot of people in my stories that.

Lola is fuckin awesome too.

I got an amazing outfit from Forever 21 last night. An orangish dress with little turquoise flowers, and then a turquoise shrug to wear over it, and some turquoise hair bows

Girly-girl.

So, I’m trying to lose weight. Doing excercise and eating better.

I don’t know, I think if I were skinnier, I would feel better.

Plus I need to be  super skinny if I wanna be a porn star.

stfu.

You only give me your funny papers.

I love you ALL!

Message to Kori; I just pooped a face.

Bye.

But in order to do that, I suppose I have to introduce myself, so the nonexistant people that read this will understand me and what I talk about a little better.

Ok. First, my name. I guess. It’s Autumn.

Ok. Second, my age. 13.

Thirdly, my interests. Music, writing, and well… I suppose that’s all.

Fourth,  my family. I hate them, there’s lots of them, and I’ll get back to that later.

Fifth. Friends? I have a lot of best friends. My favorite best friends are Miranda and Ashley.

Sixth. Relationship… I have a girlfriend. Shoot me. I have a girlfriend, and I’m straight. Shoot me again. Yeah, I’m probably dead by now.

Seventh… k, I don’t care.

I am clinically depressed, but they don’t know what kind of depression I have exactly, yet. I go to therapy, and I’m scheduled with an appointment to a psychiatrist on the 30th of this month. I’m most likely going to be put on an anti-depressant of some sort, even if I really (really) don’t want to. Oh well.

Several thoughts of suicide.

Knife through the heart.

Is this how blogs are supposed to go?

Happier Subject. Music.

My favorite band is The Beatles. My favorite Beatle? Why, John of course. I also like Nirvana a lot. And Elliott Smith. I guess they would have to be my three top musicians at the moment.

If you’re wondering, you definitely weren’t, I do play music as well as listen to it. I play piano, flute, and drums. I also enjoy writing music. Well, lyrics. I have no idea how to actually write/read music. I just pretended I did for my music teachers… I can still play properly, somehow, though.

My other interest I said was writing. Its, simply put, what I do. It just comes naturally to me. When I was little I’d write occasionally when I was really bored. Now, I write basically everyday. I could write for hours and hours if I had a good idea. There are lots of things I like to write about, but there must be something unique about what I’m writing or I simply can’t handle it and give up. I have started over 500 stories and finished only about 5 or 10.

Ok, about that family thing. Well my father is depressed and homeless, my mother is a psycho because of the anti-depressant she’s on, Zoloft, my grandmother is an insane control freak, my grandfather is a raging alcoholic, my uncle and his girlfriend are the worst druggies I’ve ever seen in my life, and me, my stupid little self, is stuck in the middle of it. Expected, and said to be, “perfect.”

I live with the following; myself, my mother, my grandmother, my grandfather, my uncle, my uncle’s girlfriend, my uncle’s girlfriend’s four-year-old son, my dog Ziggy/Rosco, my cat Indigo.

My friends are a load of drama. Miranda is an emotional wreck. Ashley’s home-life is mayhem, and she takes refuge at my house, which isn’t much help. Allison is obnoxious and boy crazy. Sarah is funny and just like me. Maggie is hilarious, but also gets on my nerves sometimes.

Girlfriend;

Her name is Kori. I love her, she’s amazing, and she means the world to me. And I’m kind of nervous about what I write about her because I know she’s gonna read this. Message to her when she reads this; Hi baby. I love you

Now that that’s overwith.

School.

I go to a ghetto ass school, its miserable, I hate it, but I’m somehow a  straight-A student.

Anyway.

I guess this entry is coming to a close.

I’ll be back soon.

Thanks… I love you all.

- a u t u m n